Surely that day cannot be too far off now. I can see it coming. Sometimes it appears tantalizingly close, sometimes it recedes into the far distance, but I know it is now within reach, and I am getting quietly excited.
That incredible day is the day when all my “To Do” points have been deleted, I have completed my projects and tasks, I have paid my bills and tax and do not owe anyone any money, I have done all that I HAD to do and can now do the things that I WANT to do, at my leisure and with no real pressure. I can relax in my room in my own time, undisturbed. I can read a book after breakfast, lounging in a comfortable chair or hammock. I can doodle creative ideas, both for art and creative writing. I can paint what I want. I can carve stone. I can tend my plants and seedlings, weed and water and prune, arranging in pots, containers, or the garden. I can harvest fruits and vegetables. I can write to whomever I want, about anything, or nothing in particular. I can sleep and dream. I can do nothing and feel good about it. (That’s 10 “I can’s”). But I can’t yet.
There are specific things that I have been promising to myself for many years, that I will do “when I have the time”. The anticipation is enormous, but when that day actually comes, when it appears that I, at last, have the time, what will I do? Sleep all day?
Why do I always feel I have to be doing something, and if not doing anything, why am I made to feel guilty? It’s because of the way I was brought up, by my family, my school, my contemporaries, and the society that prevailed 60 years ago. Perhaps I am naturally lazy and THAT sin was not tolerated by the society I was brought up in. I have worked hard to counter any lazy tendencies, I have spent more time on my feet than sitting down or flat on my back, but somehow the perception remains that to spend your day lying down or just relaxing is wrong and should be frowned upon.
The actual problem is the “To Do” list. There is always something to do. Whenever I cross something off, it is immediately replaced by another one or two so the list never seems to get shorter.
I currently have 34 points on my list as of 13 August 2019, but 3 or 4 are not urgent or important. The other points I am working through systematically and it’s now just a question of time. I would be happy to get my list down to three or four unimportant points and would consider I had reached that great day.
(The above has been superseded by several To-Do lists, compiled due to several separate projects that need concentrating on if they are to be completed. These lists I now see can go on ad infinitum, and really are an excuse not to get on with what you really would like to do, but you convince yourself the points must all be crossed off before you can indulge yourself in your personal interests).
That wonderful day is not here yet but it is getting closer. It may actually be literally for only one day in my life, but it will be SO GOOD!