Oaks, brambles, bracken, beeches, silver birches, hollies, ashes, sycamores, willows, limes and hazels, holm oaks.
A long walk forces me to think and put my thoughts in order. It is a journey with many paths. This forces me to choose when I reach a bifurcation: I have the freedom to choose and when I analyse my choice, my natural, subconscious, tendency is to go for the left-hand path – I don’t know why, but maybe it’s because my mind is saying – don’t go for the natural and easier selection of the right hand branch but be a bit more adventurous and daring and unconventional.
I look about me. I am on my own and I wonder why there aren’t any other people about, but I am not complaining – I rejoice that I am free to go where I like. I don’t have to compromise. I can see and notice exactly what I wish to see. It is very quiet apart from the distant hum of the motorway.
As I go further into the woods, I come across a sunlit glade. I pause and turn round, my head cocked to listen for any sound – there isn’t any. I glance up into the cerulean sky and have to shade my eyes from the bright light. As I do so I see the flies and insects dance across the sunbeams flooding into the glade, their wings making a hazy halo around their bodies. This sight transports me back fifty years to a particular moment as a small boy, standing in the woods at the bottom of my grandmother’s garden, looking up at the sky, amazed at the complete silence surrounding me and feeling peaceful and at one with my environment. This is a very rare and significant moment for me.
I walk on. I can hear birds and the rustle of squirrels, even the sharp click of their claws scrabbling up the bark of the oak tree. I surprise a squirrel as it is nibbling on an acorn, but he doesn’t hang around for long… there are numerous scratchings of holes in the ground where the squirrels have attempted to bury an acorn or hazelnut but abandoned the effort when startled by something.
The longer the walk, the more I clear my head of the assortment of thoughts and problems, worries and concerns that have assailed me. The walk itself is a metaphor of life – sometimes my freedom to wander takes me down the wrong path, or off the path altogether into thicker undergrowth, unknown territory and darker places. I wander on in the hope that the way will become clearer but all the time I am getting deeper into the woods. Brambles clutch and tear at my legs. Bracken gets thicker and drags around my ankles. The ground becomes muddy, slippery. I am stung by some unseen insect and my hand swells up and itches uncomfortably. The sky become darker and darker and the feeling grows more and more insistently that I am lost. Then I come to a steeply- sided ditch and have to weigh up as to whether I can jump safely across – but after a few moment’s careful contemplation I come to the conclusion that it is just too deep and wide and that the risk of getting hurt, twisting an ankle or worse and unable to summon help, is just too great…..and I turn back.
I can see the way I came by the flattened undergrowth and bracken. Immediately I turn back, the way becomes easier and lighter – I look up into the sky and see the sun has come out and my spirit lifts with a new hope. I think – this is the right decision. Everything I look at now has a deeper significance. I know I am heading back in the right direction, and that the problems that assailed me can be overcome. A new spirit of optimism and confidence floods into me. Although it is a long walk, I know where I am and how to get out of the woods. I can therefore enjoy what I see about me in a carefree mood.
This walk exemplifies my character and life’s experiences. I have learned to live on my own but be acutely aware of sounds and people close by. I enjoy the freedom to choose to go where I wish and be my own master, and keep moving forward – but am realistic and realize that this freedom also sometimes brings me along paths that end in an impassable barrier and I have to turn back. Although this is frustrating, it is entirely my own responsibility, I cannot blame anyone else – and I know that eventually I will reach familiar territory again, where I can once more move forward with confidence and freedom.
C. Tim Taylor 2012